After all of that, I got a job that led me to meet some key people in my life that I’m still friends with to this day, however, I quit that job around my 10 month mark to do another round of IVF. We had 3 embryos left and it felt wrong to not use all of them. So we scheduled a transfer for the next best one. This is what I wrote about it:

(Written on 08/22/23)

We had the transfer today. Everything is going by very quickly and I’m grateful. Anticipation is the worst. We have the blood pregnancy test scheduled for the 1st of September. So now we just wait. It’s the worst, but at the same time, I feel fine. It’s weird cause last time it was hard to not be excited, but this time it doesn’t feel like it’s something to be excited about. Like…It just feels like it’s a done deal so there’s nothing to get excited for because it’s already happened. Last time, every time I got excited, there was that thought in the back of my mind that kept reminding me that things might not turn out. I’m not getting that. I’m almost nervous to say it out loud, but it’s going to happen, and I think it’s going to be a boy. It’s just going to be a “take it one day at a time” kind of thing.

(Written on 09/03/25)

Once again, we got a lesson in “things don’t always turn out how you think they’re going to.” I took a pregnancy test the day it should have shown positive if I was pregnant, and it was negative, so I was pretty sure the blood test would be negative and that it didn’t work.

When we got the results back she said it was positive, but my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels were so low that is was indicating it wasn’t a sustainable pregnancy and that we should come to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t be pregnant much longer. They scheduled another test for the 5th to see if things would improve, but it was unlikely. My period started this morning, though, so we know officially that it didn’t work. It’s hard.

Matt gave me a blessing Friday night and he said that “All of this will be for your good” and it rang true. We don’t know why, but there’s a reason we’re going through this. What I do know is that every hard moment has only drawn us closer to God and closer to each other, so if that’s all we get from all of this, it’s enough.

I can’t even comprehend the people who go through stuff like this and blame God and get angry. Yeah, I’m frustrated it’s not working. I hate seeing other people having kids, especially one’s who don’t want them, but never once would I even consider getting mad at God for it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. The hardest trials bring about the greatest blessings. We don’t know what God’s plan for us is, but everything He does is motivated by love and understanding. He sees the things we need and knows the ways to bring them about. Sometimes we have to experience hard things to greater appreciate the blessings that come after.

I find myself getting irritated with people trying to comfort me and I finally figured out why. I don’t need comfort. Yes, it sucks. It’s the most difficult experience I’ve gone through, but just like every other experience I’ve had, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’ve been praying, fasting, and going to the temple for this. So has Matt. We are doing things in a way that I know there is a reason for all of this. Who am I to tell God that he’s wrong? I have always had a deep-rooted knowledge that I will have a baby one day. It might not be on my timeline, but that doesn’t matter. I could not care less about my timeline. So yes, I have hard days, but I don’t need to be comforted because I already have comfort that comes from my knowledge of the plan of salvation. My testimony isn’t just some thing that comes and goes depending on my mood. It is who I am at my very core. It is unshakeable. There are times where I am weak and don’t live what I believe to the fullest, but that’s the thing. I’m human. I still believe it and I just occasionally need to be reminded who I am. But I will always know that I have a Savior who came here to rescue me from my times of weakness so that I might have the opportunity to live eternally with my family, full and complete, with blessings that will more than enough make up for any pain we experience here. I am grateful for every painful thing I have experienced because it has blessed me with an unshakeable knowledge of the unconditional love our Father in Heaven has for me. I might be sad, but I am well.

(A summary of events between 09/21/23-11/20/24)

There was a new test that came out for people who have endometriosis and have had multiple early pregnancy losses that determines if you have a certain protein in your uterus (I can’t remember what one). If you have it, the solution is to do a laparoscopy or 3 months of lupron (which I will NEVER do) right before a transfer. Even though I haven’t had early pregnancy loss, and I’ve only lost one baby, my doctor recommended it where we only had two embryos left and they weren’t the best quality, so we were going to transfer them both at the same time.

I wound up having the protein, so I did a laparoscopy on January 2nd, 2024. My doctor said it was some of the worst endometriosis she’s ever seen. We transferred the last two embryos on 03/10/24, and even though I felt at peace, I didn’t feel hopeful. I started bleeding and cramping a lot (which can be a sign that it worked, but can also be a sign that it didn’t), but the morning of my blood pregnancy test, my period had started. I went it for the test regardless, because they like to be 100% sure, and it came back negative.

In the beginning of that whole process, my dad passed away, and my whole family got sick right before, during, and after the funeral. My mom and Matt got strep throat, but it didn’t present as strep throat (they didn’t even get sore throats), and because of it going untreated, Matt wound up getting scarlet fever, which led us to find out he has an allergy to amoxicillin. He had a full body rash that was incredibly itchy and painful, and it turns out the rash you get for scarlet fever looks extremely similar to the rash you get for an allergic reaction. The doctor guesses that the scarlet fever was gone within a day, but it took over a week for us to find out about and treat the allergic reaction. It was the sickest I have ever seen anyone who wasn’t on their deathbed and I was genuinely concerned I would walk into the room and find him dead. So suffice it to say, I am very glad that that’s done and over with.

Over the next 8 months, Matt and focused on moving forward and determining what the rest of our lives were going to look like. We talked to our doctor and asked her opinion on our chances of getting pregnant, even with IVF and she said that, although miracles can happen and she can never say never, in her experience, even with IVF, we had less than a 1% chance. So without IVF, our chances were basically zero. So we slowly came to terms with the fact that we probably wouldn’t have a family in this life and I got a job that I thought I could have as a career.

In November 2024, after a lot of praying and going to the temple, we determined it was time for me to get a hysterectomy and put all of this behind us. We felt at peace with the decision and finally felt like we could move forward with positivity. We scheduled it for December 17th.

PLOT TWIST!

I’M PREGNANT!

A few days after we scheduled the hysterectomy, I was eating potato chips and got super nauseous out of nowhere. My mom and brother had been sick so I was worried I was getting what they had, but then my blood pressure started randomly dropping, bad enough that I would almost pass out. That, combined with some abdominal pain (the type of which I’ve only ever gotten while pregnant), made the thought pop into my head that I should take a pregnancy test. I instantly fought against that, thinking, “I literally can’t get pregnant. I’m not pregnant, and it’s just going to be disappointing”. But I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. Eventually I gave in. I had a huge bag of pregnancy tests from doing IVF, so I snuck into the bathroom while Matt was busy (because there was no way on this planet I was going to make him stress out with me), and took a test.

It was positive. Seeing those two lines on that test was one of the most surreal moments in my life. I couldn’t believe it, and I instantly started reminding myself that false positives happen and to not get too excited yet. I walked out of the bathroom and when Matt saw me, I started getting emotional. TMI alert, but I had been having GI bleeds, so usually when I walked out of the bathroom being emotional it’s because I was having problems with that and it was stressing me out, so Matt’s response was to sigh and say, “Do we need to go to the hospital?” Eventually I choked out that I thought I was pregnant. He sat up, instantly serious and said, “Do not play with me Cannon.” I had him come and look at the test to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. There were two lines.

I took another test the next morning to make sure, and sure enough, it was positive as well! I immediately called my doctor and went in for a blood test. She called me before I even got home to tell me that, not only was it positive, but my levels were phenomenal!

(Current- Written on 07/13/25)

Everything since then has just been a whirlwind. It has been the complete opposite of everything we’ve experienced so far. It’s a baby boy and he has been doing unbelievably well! I have hyperemesis again, but not nearly as bad. I’m on steroids and zofran, as well as IV’s to keep things under control and, although water can be difficult a lot of the time, I can basically eat whatever I want with no problem. So I gained back my initial weight loss, and am now gaining the perfect amount that I should be. He’s growing like crazy. My due date is July 26th, but at my 2nd to last appointment I was dilated to 1 1/2, and my last appointment I was at a 3. My doctor says when people get to a 5 they send them to labor and delivery, so if things are still progressing like they have been, we should pack our hospital bag for our next appointment just in case. We’re ready for him to come now. Like today would be good. Haha. We are so unbelievably excited to meet him.

He is a literal miracle and not one that we ever expected to happen in this life. We have been incredibly blessed beyond anything we could ever imagine and I cannot wait to begin the next leg of our little adventure, together, as a family.